22nd November, 1945

(2) AHAM SPHURANA
Yesterday a Bengali Swami in ochre robes by name
Hrishikesanand came here. This morning from 8-30 to

11-00 Bhagavan continuously discussed spiritual matters with
him. That voice flowed full of nectar and uninterruptedly
like the waters of the Ganges. How can my pen keep pace
with that great flow? That amrit (nectar) can only be drunk
deep with the hand of devotion: how can it be gathered and
conveyed on paper? When Sri Bhagavan was relating his
experiences in Madurai of the vision of death, these eyes
were incapable of taking in the radiance of his personality,
these ears of grasping the full wisdom of his words. It is
natural for the enthusiasm of one who relates an incident to
reflect the level of intelligence of him who listens.
I should have given you a more detailed account of the
questions asked by the Swami and the replies given by
Bhagavan; only at present the place reserved for ladies in
the hall is rather far from Bhagavan and, as I happened to
be sitting at the back, I could not hear properly all that was
being discussed. I did however hear one thing clearly.
Bhagavan said, “In the vision of death, though all the senses
were benumbed, the aham sphurana (Self-awareness) was
clearly evident, and so I realised that it was that awareness
that we call ‘I’, and not the body. This Self-awareness never
decays. It is unrelated to anything. It is Self-luminous. Even
if this body is burnt, it will not be affected. Hence, I realised
on that very day so clearly that that was ‘I’.”
Many more such things were said but I could not follow
or remember them, and so I am not able to write any more
about them. There have been several discussions as this
before. I am only sorry I have let slip such innumerable
gems. Please excuse my laziness and indifference in not
writing to you even though you have been asking me all
these days to write.